by Anton Fabico
(photo credits: www.biggaycloset.com)
This column will showcase the story of a member from our
community, a John Doe or Jane Doe. A stranger who you’ve never met but he or she has a story to tell and experiences
to share. His or her story might be similar to yours or someone you know. So
let’s take a glimpse at their life here in the Closet Chronicles.
Benjamin Garcia or ‘Benja’, as his friends call him, is a 3rd year Community Development student from one of the country’s leading universities. He is 20-years old and a member of the LGBT community. He serves at their local parish as a member of the choir and when I asked him to describe himself, he answered me with one word, ‘simple’.
“I’m just a simple
person. I am what I am. How people see me is who I am.”
I asked him the most important question, to get it out of
the way.
“When did you know
that you were different?”
“Matagal na. Bata
palang ako. (I’ve known for a long time. I was still a child, I already knew)
Growing up, I never thought that I should be this way or that way or that I
should act a certain way. In my mind, I already knew what I was. A woman
trapped in a man’s body,” he answered. “It’s not even because I grew up with
friends who were girls. Even though my playmates were girls, I always knew that
I was one of them. That I was a girl.”
Seeing as how he was comfortable enough talking about it, I
asked him a very personal question.
“How would you
associate yourself gender-wise? Are you gay or are you trans?”
“Trans,” he
answered without thinking twice. “I
believe na babae talaga ako at naligaw lang ako sa katawang lalaki. Pero pag
sinabi kasi ni nila na ‘trans’, automatic nagcro-crossdress pero para sa akin
hindi nagma-matter ang ganun. Hindi yung ang magdedefine kung ano ka. Hindi dahil
trans ang isang tao, ibig sabihin kailangan na niyang magcross-dress. Yun yung
nafee-feel ko.” ( I believe that I’m a girl and I am trapped inside a man’s
body. When they say the word ‘trans’, they automatically associate it with
cross-dressing but for me, things like that don’t matter. Your clothes don’t
define who you are. Just because someone is trans, it doesn’t mean that they
have to cross-dress. That’s what I feel).
At this point, I will start referring to Benja as 'she' since she acknowledges that she is transgendered.
“How did you come out?
How did your family treat you?”
“At first, they were
not that supportive. I experienced discrimination even within my family. But it
was fine with me since they’re my
family. Growing up I told myself that
someday they’ll accept me so I never had
to tell them what I was. I didn’t think it was necessary. They just knew,” she
answered.
“You said that your
family discriminated against you. Could you give me an example?”
“Actually, when they
make comments or say things, it’s always about how I act, yung kilos ko. For
them, men should act a certain way but for me, this is how I am. This is what’s
normal for me. But because of that I feel restricted, like I have no freedom
which is why I feel discriminated against.”
I asked her when she felt that being who she was was finally
okay with her family.
“When I was in
college. Though my family accepts me, it’s still different when it comes to my
parents. Their beliefs are still based on the bible and they have a dogmatic
approach when it comes to gender. But if that’s what they think or feel, it’s
fine with me. I know that the time will come when they will fully accept me. If
they need me to explain, I’m willing to explain who I am and what I am.”
“How about your
friends?”
“I have no problems
with my friends although the one thing they don’t like is for me to change.”
“What do you mean by
change?” I asked.
“Since I’m
transgendered, there are times when I want to dress up like a woman and they
don’t like that. I want to be a full-fledged woman but they don’t want it. I
take their advice about it sometimes.”
“So the restricting
factor for you when it comes to cross-dressing, aside from your family, are
your friends?”
“Yes. Growing up, I
didn’t know what gay or transgendered was. Ang alam ko lang, babae ako (The
only thing I knew was that I was a girl). As a child I was okay with whatever
clothes I had on but as I got older, of course I wanted to experiment. I want
to wear clothes that I would feel comfortable in and that my friends and family
would be fine with.”
As the conversation kept on going, I decided to ask a very
personal question. Was she willing to, one day, undergo gender-reassignment
surgery?
“Of course, I’ve
considered it,” she answered with a chuckle. “Of course I want it, but I believe there’s a time for that. Actually,
if I can be a woman even for just one day, I’d be very happy.”
Benja, serves at
their local church so I had to ask, since the church is not very accepting of
the LGBT community, how do the people at church treat her?
“When I started
serving, I was afraid that people would discriminate against me. But I have
made a lot of friends and in general, people are nice to me. Although there are
some, especially those who don’t know me, they don’t understand why I am this
way. But I pay no attention to them because I know that there will always be
people like them and I respect that,” he answered. “I also stay alert especially when it comes to talks about gender like
during the priest’s homily.”
She feels that she is tolerated and accepted by a lot but not
by everyone and she is fine with that because she understands that that’s how the
world works.
To end the interview,
as a member of the LGBT community and as a self-identified Transgendered, I
asked her what her advice is for other people in her situation. The kids who
get bullied for being different, the closeted man who is confused about what he
is, etc.
“Be more educated.
That will be your best weapon against people who discriminate against you. Be
knowledgeable about the community and about gender. It is hard when you are
LGBT but you do not know about gender, sex, same sex marriage, etc. Like me for
example, I used to question the importance of same sex marriage, why don’t they
just live together? But when I was educated about it, I realized that it was
more than a piece of paper or contract. It’s about their rights, their security
because we are all equal and we deserve the same rights given to straight
people.”
With that, we ended the interview.
We all have different experiences and stories, and the
Closet Chronicles aims to share one person’s story. Whether they are out of the
closet or hiding inside, it’s a story worth telling, it’s a story worth
listening to because whether it’s one person or a dozen, someone would be able
to relate to your story and maybe, just maybe, they’d learn a thing or two.